It’s one thing to believe in women in ministry theoretically. It’s another thing, as a woman, to actually start showing up as a leader.
For years, I felt so frustrated with myself because of that disconnect. My theology had changed. I embraced joint male-female leadership in the church and home. I celebrated other women as leaders. But when I had opportunities to show up, I shrank from them.
During the six years that Mark and I pastored a church, I taught only a handful of times. Mark wanted me to preach more, but I found so many reasons not to. Even though I’d felt God speaking to me for years about preaching, even though I’d received several prophetic words about it from trusted leaders, I still struggled to show up.
Truthfully, even today I wrestle internally when invited to speak or lead. For so many years, I believed a script about my own inadequacy as a woman, and stepping beyond that internal script (even years after I stopped believing it) has been so much harder than I expected.
Deciding to show up sounds simple, but for many women, it takes great courage. Not only do we face the criticisms and judgments of those who think we shouldn’t speak or lead, but we also have to navigate the weight of old beliefs and subconscious assumptions.
If you grew up like I did, you may find yourself needing to battle against a tendency to self-silence. Many of us silence ourselves without even realizing it. Male leadership and female submission were such a deeply ingrained part of our culture. We’ve become good at subverting our voices to male voices, at apologizing for having an opinion, at minimizing our ideas.
I’ve been working at our home church for a year and a half now, and every week I’m in a small meeting that includes several of the male pastors. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that it took me at least nine months to get comfortable voicing an unsolicited opinion in the presence of so many strong male leaders.
I’ll never forget one particular experience in that meeting. Several pastors were discussing an issue, and I knew I had something important to add to the conversation—a unique perspective informed by my experiences as a woman. No one had asked my opinion because the issue at hand was not directly related to my area of communications. Yet I felt God nudging me to raise my voice.
Truthfully, in that moment and on that topic, it felt pretty terrifying. To assert my opinion in a room of male leaders without being asked for it—as crazy as it sounds, I don’t think I’d ever done that before.
The old me would not have had the courage to speak up, but would have later wished I had. The me in that room that day found the courage I needed in Jesus. And with hands trembling under the table, I raised my voice and added my perspective to the discussion, not knowing how it would land.
I’m sure no one in the room that day knew how hard that choice was for me. It feels silly to even admit it here, but it is the truth.
And that moment changed me—not just because I raised my voice, but also because I was heard. Immediately after I shared, one of the male pastors in the room validated my perspective, and it shifted the direction of that discussion.
I am so thankful for that experience. This was not a significant decision. I doubt anyone in the room that day remembers it, but for me, it felt so deeply healing. To speak up and be heard and affirmed rather than dismissed, misunderstood, or ignored—that unlocked something in me.
It’s not that I’d had a lot of negative experiences of being silenced by men. I’ve been blessed in that way. Yet because I grew up believing men were leaders and women weren’t, that male opinions were more valid, that women were too emotional—I have struggled to believe in my own voice.
I think of the women mentioned in scripture who raised their voices within very patriarchal cultures, women like Priscilla, Lydia, Tryphena, Tryphosa, Phoebe, Persis, Mary, Junia, and many others. They too probably grew up discounting their own voices, yet they answered the call of Christ, and he empowered them to show up in ways that defied the cultures they lived in.
He’s calling us, too. He’s calling every one of us—men and women alike—because we are all essential to his kingdom purposes on earth. God doesn’t hand out giftings and callings based on gender. The Bible gives us too many examples of female leaders for that to be true. The Bible doesn’t tell us how God decides who is called to what; it just tells us to answer the call he gives us.
No, we’re not all called to upfront platform leadership, but we are all called to have a voice and to lead within our sphere of influence. Learning to not just change our beliefs, but to also raise our voices as women, takes intentionality.
What does that look like?
Intentionally choose to believe your voice really does matter. Ask God to help you believe it. He knows how to replace the lies we believe with his truth. And start declaring his truth over yourself.
Intentionally start taking steps. Ask God, “What does it look like for me, with my unique personality and gifting, to fully show up?” and then do what he says.
The world needs you. We need you. It’s time to show up!
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