The last few months have contained layers of complexity for me—deep pain, frustration, discomfort, dissonance, misunderstanding. I have experienced a whirlwind of transitions as our family moved, we sent a daughter to college, and I started working full time—all against the backdrop of my ongoing journey of healing from trauma.
It has been deeply hard, but also hopeful.
Recently, I found myself in a conversation about how we process the emotions of hard circumstances while also seeking to rise above them.
(I differentiate here between hard circumstances and trauma. Not every painful or difficult situation we face is trauma. This post is not about trauma, but the usual kinds of hurts and challenges we face.)
Rising above is a nuanced choice. So many of us run to one extreme or the other. We settle into our emotions—the pain, anger, frustration, sadness—about our circumstances, or we focus on spiritual realities and discount how we feel.
The truth is in the middle. We need to allow ourselves to feel and process experiences of grief, injustice, difficulty. This is the only way to heal. If we won’t face our emotions, they will lodge inside of us and become regressive behaviors that end up hurting us and the people we love.
But, feeling our emotions is not enough. To overcome, we also need to learn to see from God’s perspective so that we can embrace his work in our lives. We need to take our seat in heavenly places so that we can learn to view our lives from heaven’s vantage point (see Eph. 2:6).
God does not cause everything that happens to us, but he is a master of using it all to grow us into his image and help us step into our inheritance as mighty sons and daughters.
Lately, I’ve been borrowing a declaration from Steve Backlund that says, “My current challenges and frustrations are my training ground for the greater influence I will have in the future.”(1)
This declaration has helped reorient my perspective, reminding me that the challenges I face can be simply challenges—or they can be more. They can become transformative crucibles through which God refines me into his image and helps me mature.
The key to this transformation is in learning to see the opportunity in the middle of the mess.
When I find myself feeling frustrated, when someone says something hurtful or misconstrues my intentions, when others don’t come through for me like I hoped, when I feel exhausted and drained—I’m learning to first let myself feel what I feel, but then to turn to Jesus and ask him some important questions.
· What can I learn and how can I grow from this?
· What strength do you want to add to my soul through this experience?
· What steps can I take to act in the opposite spirit?
Each of these questions reminds me that I can find not only healing, but also purpose in the difficulties and challenges I face.
Paul framed it this way: “This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory…” because “…the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Cor. 4:17–18 CSB).
Jesus promised us we would face hard things in life, but he also reminds us he has already won the victory—which means he can help us be victorious too (see John 16:33).
I am so thankful for this truth. No matter what I face, he has overcome. Not just the big heartaches and losses, but also the daily frustrations and griefs and misunderstandings. He is in the middle of it all with me, and if I let him, he will use it all to grow me up, to make me like him, to teach me the dance of difficulty.
Endnotes
1. This declaration is taken from Steve’s list of transformational beliefs in his book, Fully Convinced.
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